Why Break-Ups?

I know what happens. You go for months, may be even years without meeting someone you're truly attracted to and then out of no-where, a guy comes along, who you find yourself drawn to on every level. But after an initial attraction, this guy disappears. He stops being responsive. He goes cold and you are left wondering why this depressing scenario took place. Why isn't the guy you want interested in you? 

Here are five possible reasons:

Number One: Instead of falling for the real person, you've fallen for an ideal. This means that you have a guy in front of you who has great qualities. May be you bond intellectually. May be he likes art and you like the same. You like the same movie. You find him very attractive. And because he has a few qualities you really like, you start to paint this picture of him as being ideal and it's one of the most dangerous thing you can do. Because, just because somebody's ideal on paper doesn't mean they are ideal for you. It's a non sequitur. It's a very different thing that he has great qualities and he's right for me. In the middle, there is a whole part where he chooses you. Where he says, "Yes, I wanna relationship with you" or "I know what I want in life and its you." 

When that part isn't there, he can't be ideal. 

Number Two: You don't keep up your standards with the guy you like. Look, it's easy to have standards when you don't care if somebody leaves. But when you really want someone, that's when you start bending over backwards to please them. And I see women everywhere giving extenuating circumstances to guys that they like. We have to maintain our standards around the people we want. Especially around the people we want. Because when a guy sees you maintaining standards around him, that's what makes you attractive. Thats what makes you desirable. He knows that around you he has to raise his game. So I want you to remember something that my experience taught me. "Turtle crawls to the Turtle and Rabbit runs to the Rabbit." There is logic to it. There is science to it. It never varies. A rabbit would never run to a turtle and a turtle would never crawl to a rabbit no matter what. No matter how good looking your guy may be, stick to your own existence. Execute your life well. You'll be a success. 

So how ever the guy behaves, remember this logic. You don't need to sit there analysing it and dissecting it. You leave. When a guy tells you he's not sure what he wants or he doesn't want a relationship with you, apply the 'Turtle-Rabbit' theory on him. It doesn't matter if the guy is good looking. It doesn't matter if you really connect with him on a desperate level. It doesn't matter if on paper, he is everything you want. When he does this - you do the same. 

Number Three: You obsess over your behaviour too much. I know women that constantly analyse what they did on a date, what they're doing now or what they should text a guy. My entire experience is built on understanding people and the way we should react. But once we know how to react, that's when to put the problems down. I'm here to help you replace your instincts because that's a really important thing to do in life. 

Think about how riptide works. When you're out to sea and you get caught in a riptide, your instinct is to swim against it to try and get back to shore. But if you do that, it's more powerful than you. You'll loose your energy and you'll get swept out further. Instead, you've to swim parallel. You've to go sideways until you get out of it and then you can swim back to the shore. You've to rely not on instincts but on confidence and the same is true in dating. 

When I tell you the exact thing to say back to a guy, you get obsessed for the rest of your life about every little text message you send. I don't do that because of this but I say it so that you can stop obsessing. I say it so that you know the answer to 'Turtle-Rabbit' theory. Hey! You know the answer to your texts. Now stop thinking about this shit. Send the text and go and live your life.

Number Four: You move too quickly. Another problematic side effect of liking someone too much is that you wanna rush through the stages to get closer to them. But that doesn't allow courtship to take place. I'm not talking about how quickly you sleep with someone or any of that stuff. All I'm talking about is how you invest and how soon. When you over invest too quickly, a guy worries that he hasn't actually earned his place in your life. And if someone doesn't feel like they earned something, they don't value in the same way. 

Number Five: Because you are choosing unavailable man. Now I get it. There are rewards to choosing unavailable men. It could be fun. It could be exciting. You can even have a beautiful love story with someone in the short term. But it doesn't mean long-term happiness is coming your way if deep inside you know that these people are unavailable. I want you to choose long-term happiness with someone who's gonna give you the world, not short-term gratification with someone who just sees you as a chapter in their life. 

Lastly, no amount of effort with the wrong man is gonna lead to your happiness and when you do find someone who's right for you, you need to go against certain instincts. Follow the stages of attraction and allow it to unfold and create itself in a natural way or you could end up suffocating something before it's even begun.


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